Resources

Wedding Etiquette & Tips

Planning a wedding can be a very overwhelming job.    Over the next few months you are going to have a lot of questions, so we decided to try to help a little.

This section of our web site includes wedding etiquette, helpful tips, and ideas.

Flowers

• The Bridal bouquet should compliment the bridal gown.
• The Bridesmaids bouquets should coordinate with the dresses worn by the bridesmaids.
• The groom traditionally pays for the bridal bouquet, all the boutonnieres (except his own), the corsages and the rehearsal dinner flowers.
• The Bride’s bouquet is traditionally made of white flowers such as stephanotis, orchids, roses, lilies of the valley, gardenias, carnations, or sweet peas. Included are fillers like baby’s breath, ferns or ivy for greenery.
• The traditional bouquet should be carried low so as not to hide the details of your dress.
• The groom’s boutonniere should be different from the groomsmen’s.
• You should arrange to have a toss away bouquet made for the bouquet tossing and make arrangements to have your bouquet preserved.
• The meaning of flowers:
  

Rose - Love
White Daisy - Purity
Gardenia - Joy
Orchard - Beauty
Carnation - Distinction
Blue Violet - Constancy
Forget Me Not - True Love
Red Chrysanthemum - Sharing
Lily of the Valley - Happiness
White Lilac - Youthful Innocence

 Announcements

• The announcement should be consistent with the style of the invitations.
• Announcements are mailed the day of or the day after the wedding.
• Announcements are sent to family and friends who are not invited to the wedding (most likely individuals who are from out of town and would not have been able to attend), but you would like to inform them of the wedding.
• There is no gift obligation when an announcement is sent.

  Engagement

• You can select a ring together if you are comfortable discussing your budget and guidelines. Another idea is to go shopping together and just look at styles in general and diamond cuts, just to give him some ideas.
• Your parents should be told first. It is up to you whether you share the news together or tell your own parents privately. After you have told your parents, you can then tell other family members and friends.
• As soon as the groom has told his parents, his mother should telephone the bride’s mother. If possible, a visit should be arranged.
• The ideal length of engagement is between nine months and one year, unless there are specific reasons for a shorter one.
• Typically the brides family should give the engagement party. Although it is more common now for close friends or members of the bridal party to give the engagement party.
• Guests are not expected or required to bring gifts. Any gifts received at the engagement party should be opened later, not in front of all guests.
• If you open the gift in front of the giver and have the opportunity to thank them in person, then a thank you note is not required (although still a nice idea). If you do not have the opportunity to thank them in person, then you should promptly send a written thank you note.

  Ceremony

• The ceremony is the most important part of the wedding and should be the first thing that you decide on and book.
• You must apply for your license at least 72 hours before your wedding and you should give it to the officiator at the rehearsal.
• When booking your ceremony location you should inquire about the following potential fees: member vs. non-member site fee, organist/pianist, isle runner, candelabras, officiator’s fee, clean-up fee, security deposit, and chair rental.
• Other things to ask: do they allow decorations, are there special floral requirements, are there restrictions for photographers, can the flower girl drop petals, do they provide the wedding program, are there any special parking instructions, and do they provide a coordinator for the day of the wedding.
• You should consider hiring your own wedding consultant. This software will help you organize all of the details and information for your wedding, but it won’t be able to help you coordinate everything on your wedding day. A wedding consultant can save you a lot of time evaluating vendors, can provide you with ideas of how to plan your wedding within your budget, will help you and everyone stay organized and on schedule on your wedding day.

Who pays?

Bride:wedding ring for the groom, wedding gift for the groom, presents for attendants, personal stationery, accommodations for out-of town bridal attendants

Groom:Bride’s rings, wedding gift for the bride, marriage license, gifts for attendants, flowers (bridal bouquet, boutonnieres, corsages and rehearsal dinner), accommodations for out-of-town attendants, clergy fees and honeymoon.

Bride’s Family:ceremony, reception, invitations, bride’s wedding attire, photography, videography, flowers, gratuities, transportation for bridal party and bridesmaids' luncheon.

Groom’s Family:rehearsal dinner

  Wedding Party

• The number of attendants selected should reflect the size and style of your wedding.
• Attendants should be family members or close friends.
• It is considerate to ask your partners' siblings to be in the wedding, but you are not obligated.
• Be sure to tell your attendants what you expect from them.
• Junior Bridesmaids range in age from ten years to fourteen years. They should dress similarly to the bridesmaids.
• A flower girl is typically between the ages of four and ten. She should wear a shorter-length dress that is similar in style and color to the bridesmaids'.
• The ring bearer is between the ages of four and ten. He wears a suit or tuxedo similar to those worn by the groomsmen. The ring bearer carries a satin lace pillow with the couple’s rings sewn or tied on (does not have to be the actual rings).

  Events and Parties

• Family, friends, bridal attendants, or co-workers can give you a shower. Members of the immediate family, however, should not give you a shower. Showers are usually given a month or two before the wedding.
• Shower themes are very popular today. A theme can be around the types of gifts to be given such as lingerie, kitchen, bar, bathroom, or recreation.
• The bridesmaids' luncheon can be given by the bridesmaids' for the bride, or the bride can give one to the bridesmaids. It is usually held the weekend of the wedding.
• The rehearsal dinner is usually held the night before the wedding. It is attended by the bride, groom, all members of the wedding party (and their spouses or dates) and the parents of the bride and groom. The rehearsal dinner is usually planned and paid for by the groom’s parents. Some couples also invite all out of town guests and the clergyman.

You should order your dress four to six months prior to your wedding. 90% of all gowns will need some altering, so you need to make sure that you have time for alterations. Also if you want to have a bridal portrait taken (which is usually taken six weeks before the wedding), then you will want to have your dress ready.

Things to consider when ordering tuxedos: time of ceremony, season, formality of wedding, and the style of the bride’s dress.

The bridal portrait should be taken approximately six weeks before your wedding.

Your black and white photo for the newspaper needs to be delivered to the paper about two weeks before your wedding.

Baker

• A baker should be selected as least four months in advance.
• You can top your cake with a bride and groom figurine, fresh flowers, sugar wedding bells, or a glass top.
• Don’t forget to save the top layer and put it in your freezer for your one year anniversary.

Florist

• You should visit several florist and look at pictures of their past weddings.
• Final arrangements for a florist should be made at least three to six months before your wedding.
• Be sure to have your flowers arrive on your wedding day before the photographer.
• If you plan to preserve your flowers, you need to make arrangements to have the flowers to the preserver within one or two days of your wedding.

  Invitation Wording

• Write out the date - the fifteenth of June
• Write out the year - Nineteen hundred and ninety eight or One thousand nine hundred and ninety eight, with or without the first letters being capitalized
• Times other than on the hour should be worded as "at half after five o'clock", "at quarter after five o'clock" or "at three quarters after five o'clock". Six o'clock or later is "in the evening" and a noon wedding is "at twelve o'clock"
• The words "honour" and "favour" should be spelled with a "u"
• If the wedding ceremony is to take place in a house of worship, the request line should read "the honour of your presence". If the ceremony will take place some other place (home, club, gardens), you should use "the pleasure of your company".
• Initials or nicknames should not be used; write out the names completely or omit them (e.g., John H. Doe should either be John Henry Doe or John Doe). The most formal uses of junior or senior on invitations is to spell them out with a lower case first letter. A comma always precedes junior and senior, but a comma does not precede II, III or IV. The title Ms. should not be used on a formal invitation.
• When the ceremony and reception are held in the same city, the city does not need to be repeated on the reception card
• If an abbreviated response request is to be used, use R.s.v.p. or R.S.V.P.
• To assemble your invitations, Fold the invitation with the lettering on the outside. Place the tissue on top. Place the reception card face up on the tissue with its lettering parallel to that of the invitation. Slide the response card under the flap of the response envelope with the lettering facing the back of the flap. Place the response envelope face down on the reception card. The invitation and any enclosures are then inserted into the inner envelope with the fold of the invitation at the bottom of the envelope.
• The unsealed inner envelope is inserted into the outer envelope so that handwritten guests' names are visible when the outer envelope is opened.

Marriage License

• Requirements to obtain a marriage license vary from state to state. It is important to call ahead of time and make sure that you apply with the proper documents.
• The law usually requires you to wait one to three days after you receive your marriage license before you can get married. The license is typically only good for 60 days, so you are better off getting your license the week or two before the wedding.
• The marriage license is usually issued the same day you apply for it, but there are restrictions on when and where it can be used.
• Identification of some kind is usually required: driver’s license, birth certificate, military identification. If you were born outside of the US, you may be required to provide additional information.
• If you were married before, you should know the date and place of your divorce or annulment.
• Both the bride and groom must go to the marriage bureau or clerk’s office in person.
• Some states may require a blood test or health certificate.
• The Ultimate Internet Wedding Guide has information available for all 50 states:

Tips, part of a wedding budget that are almost always overlooked, can add quite a bit to your wedding expense if not taken into consideration.

Florist, Photographer, Baker, Musicians, Limousine Driver: 15% - Add to bill payment or pay right after reception

Officiants: Flat fee or donation - Best man pays it for Groom

Ceremony Assistants: Donation or fee as designated by church - Either rehearsal or after the ceremony

Caterer, hotel/club banquet manager, bridal consultant: 15-20% - Usually added or paid with bill.

Waiters/waitresses, bartenders: 15-20% - Usually included on bill or paid right after reception

Powder room, coat attendants: $.50 per guest or flat fee as arranged - Pay right after reception

Tips for hiring a Wedding Professional

Wedding Consultant

1,.  Do they charge a flat fee, an hourly fee, or a percentage of your wedding budget?
2.  Are they members of any associations or are they certified by any associations?
3.  Be sure the contract clearly defines what the consultant will be responsible for.
4.  Don’t hesitate to ask your other wedding professionals their opinion of the consultants that you are evaluating. Most good consultants have a well-known reputation.

Bride’s Attire

1.  How long will it take to special order a gown?
2.  How much is the deposit and when is it due?
3.  What is the cancellation or return policy?
4.  Are any alterations included? Do they do alterations at the shop or refer you to someone? How much are alterations?
5.  Can you have formal portraits taken at the shop?
6.  Can they press the dress? Is there a charge?

Cakes

1.  Can you see pictures of their cakes?
2.  Do they specialize in wedding cakes?
3.  Can you try samples?
4.  When will they deliver and set up the cake?
5.  Do they supply a knife? Be sure to get details on how to cut the cake.
6.  When do you need to return the dividers, top, or dishes?
7.  How far in advance should you order the cake?
8.  How much is the cake - usually calculated as a price per piece?
9.  What percentage of the total number of guests should I plan for? This may vary if you are having a groom’s cake as well.
10.  Is there a charge for the cake top, the dividers/columns, delivery, setup or extra decorations?
11.  What is the cancellation policy?

Caterer

1.  Do they coordinate deliver, clean-up, tables, chairs, linens, china, flatware, crystal, kitchen equipment?
2.  Are they licensed to serve liquor?
3.  Are there any additional service charges?
4.  Is there a minimum?
5.  Can they accommodate the special dietary needs of your guests?

Ceremony

1.  How many guests can the site accommodate?
2.  Is there adequate parking? Do you have to provide or pay for parking attendants?
3.  Is the site available for a rehearsal?
4.  Are there any restrictions for music, decorations, candles, photographers, or videographers?
5.  Is there a charge for isle runners or candelabras?
6.  Is there a setup fee?
7.  Is there a cleanup fee?
8.  How soon can you (or vendors) enter the site on the day of the wedding?
9.  Is there a charge for chairs?
10.  Is there a charge for the additional services (pianist, soloist, organist)?
11.  Are there any rules about throwing birdseed or rice? Can the flower girl drop rose petals as you walks down the aisle?

Entertainment

1.  Can you see a tape of their past work? Or can you watch them perform somewhere prior to the wedding?
2.  What kind of music do they play?
3.  How will they dress for the event?
4.  How long will they play and how long are their breaks?
5.  Will they be able to keep playing if the wedding goes beyond the expected time and if so, will there be an additional over-time charge?
6.  Will they supply special effects?

1. Do they deliver?
2. Do they provide additional services at the wedding?
3. Will they visit the ceremony and reception sites with you to plan out your needs?
4. Can you see pictures of previous work?
5. Can they also do the rehearsal dinner? Can they take the flowers/center pieces from the rehearsal dinner and use them at the wedding?

1. What style best suits the style of your wedding?
2. Are shoes, studs, cummerbund and cufflinks included?
3. When should the tuxedos and accessories be reserved?
4. Are alterations included?
5. When should the appointments for fittings be made?
6. When should the formal wear be picked up?
7. When should the formal wear be returned?

Hair/Makeup

1.  Will they do a trial run prior to the wedding?
2.  Can they come to your house or hotel the day of your wedding to do your hair/makeup?
3.  Can they also do hair/makeup for your wedding party?

Honeymoon

1.  What ideas can they give you on your honeymoon?
2.  Can they work within your budget?
3.  If you are leaving the country, what do you need to take with you?
4.  Do they have any packages? Specials? Promotions?
5.  Do they have support/phone number where you can reach their office if anything should go wrong during trip?
6.  What is the cancellation policy?
7.  When should the arrangements be made by?

Invitations

1.  Do they have samples that you can look at?
2.  Can they supply any additional items: matchbooks, programs, napkins, or thank you notes?
3.  When should the invitations be ordered?
4.  Do they offer calligraphy service?
5.  Can you receive your envelopes early for addressing?
6.  If engraving, can you keep the plate?
7.  When will the invitations be ready?

1. Is there an additional charge for proofs?
2. Do you carry extra cameras in case one doesn’t function?
3. What will the photographer wear?
4. Can you meet the actual photographer? And see samples of their work?
5. Do they offer packages?
6. How many photographers will be photographing the wedding?
7. How do they base their charges? Time? Package? Number of photos?
8. Is there a minimum? How much for additional services?
9. Is the album included?
10. Who owns the negatives?
11. How much is each additional print?
12. Can you shoot family photos before or after the wedding?
13. Can you do indoor or outdoor photos (if desired)?
14. Have they worked at your reception or ceremony site before?
15. What is the deposit? Cancellation policy?

1. Will the site accommodate all of my guests comfortably (seated or not)?
2. Does the facility have adequate parking? Is parking free? Valet service available?
3. Is the dance floor included?
4. Are serving attendants and bartenders included?
5. Is there a fee to cut the cake?
6. Are you required to use the facilities food and beverage service?
7. How early can you begin setup?
8. Is there a cleaning fee? Who is responsible for cleanup?
9. Are there any restrictions: time, music, electrical, or smoking?
10. How much is the gratuity?
11. How much is the deposit? What is the cancellation policy?
12. Are the guests permitted to throw birdseed or rice? Can you release butterflies?
13. How will you exit?
14. Do they offer ice sculptures?
15. What other vendors do they recommned?
16. Any other rental or hidden fees?
17. Any other events that night?

Rings

1.  Will they check the prongs on your ring for you once a year?
2.  Do they offer free cleanings?
3.  Can they explain cut, clarity and carets to you for each ring that you are interested in?
4.  Can you design your own ring?
5.  Will they engrave the rings for you? Is there a charge?
6.  How long will it take to get the ring in and properly sized?
7.  Do they provide appraisals for insurance?

1. What types of services do they provide (limos, carriages, old cars)?
2. How are the charges based? Time? Distance?
3. Is there a minimum?
4. After the minimum, how do they base their charges?
5. When must reservations be made? What is the deposit?
6. What is the cancellation policy?
7. Are there any restrictions: decorating, number of passengers, liquor?
8. What do the drivers wear?
9. Can you see the specific vehicle?
10. Is gratuity included?

1. Can you see samples of previous work?
2. What type of services do they offer: baby pictures, honeymoon pictures, captions, wedding party names, copy of invitation, interviewing of guests, microphone for vows/ceremony, music?
3. How many cameras do they use?
4. What do the videographers wear?
5. What packages do they offer?
6. How many copies of the tape do you get and how long after your wedding before they will be ready?
7. Do they offer duplicates and if so, how much do they cost?
8. How do they base their charges? Time? Package?
9. Is there a minimum? How do they base charges for additional services?
10. What is the deposit?

If you would like to see other things added to our site, or if you have any comments, please send us an email to: sales@frogwaresoftware.com